Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Conversations about dating, sex, drinking, and drugs will never be easy or fun, but there are things you can do to make them go a little more smoothly.

How-Tos of "Active Listening"

It can't be stressed enough how important it is for you to actively listen to your children. Active listening involves having a body posture that indicates openness and attention (for example, facing your child, making eye contact as appropriate).

It also involves asking them open-ended questions, or questions that can't be answered "yes" or "no." For example, instead of asking "Do you...

Conversations about dating, sex, drinking, and drugs will never be easy or fun, but there are things you can do to make them go a little more smoothly.

How-Tos of "Active Listening"

It can't be stressed enough how important it is for you to actively listen to your children. Active listening involves having a body posture that indicates openness and attention (for example, facing your child, making eye contact as appropriate).

It also involves asking them open-ended questions, or questions that can't be answered "yes" or "no." For example, instead of asking "Do you like your teacher?," you can ask, "What do you like about your teacher?"

You can also rephrase what your children have said to make sure they understand and let them know you're listening. Rephrasing starts with, "So what you're saying is ..." or "So I'm hearing that ...?"

These are skills you might want to practice during the smaller, everyday conversations, so that when the big topics come up, you can use them more effectively.

Keeping the Conversation Going

Be sure to make ongoing communication a priority, and let your children know that you want to talk with them about things going on in their lives. These conversations can occur during car rides home from school, while making dinner, at the dinner table, during errands on the weekend, and while doing chores together. The possibilities are limitless. Though they might not respond immediately, you're building a foundation for future talks.

Talking Through the Silent Treatment

If a child becomes really closed to any topic of conversation, you may want to tell her how much you miss talking with her and that you're open to talking about anything she wants to talk about.

Be realistic, though. It's natural for teens to seek more support from their friends at this stage of life. Don't push if they prefer to keep things to themselves. If you've established a solid foundation, they'll come to you when they're ready.

What Do You Say?

Add a Question or Write an Answer

Most Recent Contributors:

Nov 11, 2008 at 5:18:32 PM

see all

Helpful Resources

Tell Your Story

parentofatween
February 28, 2008

How to discipline a tween for lying?

I have a 12 year old that we have caught in a lie numerous times. She has lied to her parents and teachers at school. She has been caught and my husband and I do not agree on the discipline. He has taken away her social life, her best...  read more

Not Acceptable?

sillyputty57
January 31, 2008

What my mom did...

very time I think of communicating with a teen, I think of how my mom spoke with me. It wasn't what she said, it was this feeling that she was always there for me, no matter what. She trusted me to go out and have fun, and in order to...  read more

Not Acceptable?

JohneeBGoode
July 27, 2007

Establish your credibility early

When my son was about 11, I sat him down, looked him in the eye, and said the following: "In a year or so, something is going to happen to me. I am going to seem to have lost my mind and I will get dumber and dumber, at least in your...  read more

Not Acceptable?