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It takes two to tango -- and for what follows afterward -- but since only the woman gets pregnant, it's not always obvious to men how to be involved. Guys might feel like she's doing all the work of making the baby and knows instinctively what her body needs, while the dad is making it up as he goes.

It doesn't help that the woman may be feeling tired, cranky, weepy, and desperate for emotional support in a way she never has before in the relationship. If you don't respond well to setting out into that new emotional territory, here's a plan of action:

Let her cry on your shoulder. It's not about you, it's not even about what she says it's about....

It takes two to tango -- and for what follows afterward -- but since only the woman gets pregnant, it's not always obvious to men how to be involved. Guys might feel like she's doing all the work of making the baby and knows instinctively what her body needs, while the dad is making it up as he goes.

It doesn't help that the woman may be feeling tired, cranky, weepy, and desperate for emotional support in a way she never has before in the relationship. If you don't respond well to setting out into that new emotional territory, here's a plan of action:

Let her cry on your shoulder. It's not about you, it's not even about what she says it's about. She just needs to cry on your shoulder. Hormones are raging in her body, and this is one side effect. Say comforting things, starting with, "I love you," and "I'm here for you."

Indulge her cravings. Get up in the middle of the night to fetch her broccoli and peanut butter, or whatever her version of pickles and ice cream is. It's good practice for nighttime parenting duties once the baby is born.

Try to go to prenatal visits. If your work schedule allows, try to come with her to prenatal visits. You'll get to listen to the baby's heartbeat and see the little one on the sonogram, as well as talk directly to the health care provider. This can be one of the best ways to be involved (and what are those accumulated sick days for anyway?).

Bond with your baby in utero. According to James di Properzio, a father of three and co-author of "The Baby Bonding Book for Dads: Building a Closer Connection With Your Baby," it's never too early to start talking to the baby through her belly and stroking the belly -- in later months you'll be able to feel the baby pushing back. These are ways that dads can make the physical and emotional contact that moms take for granted.

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momzero
September 14, 2008

Getting My Husband Involved

When I first found out I was pregnant, my husband and I were both thrilled. However, he quickly realized that it didn't feel very "real" to him, since I still looked the same, and for the most part our lives were still the same....  read more

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