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Parentpedia
Interviewing Birth Mothers
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What Experts Say
If you are planning on doing a domestic adoption, you may feel concerned about the process of finding an adoption situation.
Some domestic adoption programs will "match" you with expectant mothers, but others will expect you to do some of the work of finding potential situations yourself. They may ask you to set up a special email account or 1-800 number and expect you to handle the incoming calls and emails yourself.
Even if your agency helps you find the situation, chances are high that you will meet with at least one pregnant woman who is considering adoption. Talk about a nerve-wracking experience. Don't worry -- you can get through it.
Meeting the Birth Mother
First of all, remember that no matter how sure that woman is that she will be doing an adoption, until the papers are signed she is not a birth mother; she is an expectant mother. Remembering this boundary will:
- serve her by giving her room to reconsider her decision after the baby is born
- serve you by helping you "guard your heart" until you know for certain whether or not her baby will become yours
Second of all, understand that her crisis is likely even more overwhelming than your excitement and urgency to be a parent. She is certainly at least as nervous as you are! Remembering this can make that meeting a little less difficult.
"It might be tempting to share your life story with a woman who is carrying a baby that you might parent, but take the relationship slowly," says Micky Duxbury, author of Making Room in Our Hearts. "Share with them enough detail so they can paint a picture of what it would be like for a child growing up in your family."
Discussing the Details
As far as the details of the adoption -- including financial support, any medical issues, or legal concerns -- leave those to your attorney or agency. Setting those firm boundaries now will benefit you both if the adoption does work out for you.
Instead, focus on building your relationship with her as a person. Find out what kind of music she likes, what hopes and dreams she has for her baby, and what she expects from you as far as a post-adoption relationship. Be honest. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing and ruining the possibility of adopting her baby.
Have faith in the process and trust that the right situation will come along for you eventually.
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The contents of ParentPedia are intended for educational purposes only. Such contents are not intended to, and do not, constitute medical or healthcare advice or diagnosis, and may not be used for such purposes. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reliance on information presented on ParentPedia is at your own risk.
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